Titan Fairy Tales
by Invader Hog
Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans. Prepare for the worst. Completed!
1. Three Little Titans

**Titan Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: You kidding? I don't own anything!**

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**One**

**The Three Little Titans**

**Featuring: Mas, Menos, Robin and Beast Boy**

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Once Upon A Time…

There once were three little boys, Mas and his twin Menos and their friend, little Robin. They loved playing together but eventually they had to go home. Mas lived in a house made of straw, even though Robin told him it was structurally unsound and would easily fall if there ever happened to be someone walking by ready to blow it over.

Of course, Mas didn't understand a word Robin said, and just lived in his little house. His brother, Menos, lived in a house made of sticks and mud. Again, Robin told the pair that it was a bad idea and that they should call a real contractor to actually build them safe homes, but again neither of them listened.

While the boys lived in horrible little houses, Robin hired Cyborg to build him a fortress of solitude, made of steel and had a state-of-the-art alarm system. No one was knocking this baby over!

So, one day the boys were finished playing and went home. As the afternoon began to grow into night, Mas sat in his house, playing video games when a knock came to the door. He went up and instead of opening the door he asked, "Who is it?" (since the author of these stories doesn't know how to speak Spanish and would rather just not bother with actually asking anyone, the reader gets to use their imagination! Yay!)

"Little Pig, Little Pig," came a voice, a green face behind the door.

"Little Pig? I'm not a pig! I'm a boy!" Mas answered, looking annoyed.

"Uh… Okay, little Boy Little Boy! Can you let me in?" the voice asked again, turning into a large hungry wolf. Little Mas could not see, but it was in fact Beast Boy, the evil wolf from the forest who wanted to eat anything that was moving! Poor little Mas was in trouble!

"Go away!" Mas called back.

"Oh, Please let me in," Beast Boy urged.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin, chin…"

Beast Boy paused for a moment and then replied, "What does that even mean?"

"How should I know? I don't even speak English!"

"You had better let me in or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!" Beast Boy said, looking at the straw house. Robin somewhere was saying "I told you so" but Mas would never give him the pleasure of an answer.

"You better go away!" Mas said, but it was too late. Beast Boy made himself into a huge wolf and blew the house down. Little Mas headed for the hills, running towards his brother's house and quickly was soon upon it.

Beast Boy followed, seeing the next house. Menos hurried and let his brother in and their quickly spoke in Spanish before realizing that they were in trouble. Suddenly Beast Boy was upon the house.

"Little Boys Little Boys, please let me in!" he said, licking his teeth.

"No! Not by the hair of our chinny chin, chins!" Mas and Menos said at once.

"Again with that phrase! What does that even mean?! I mean, come on, did someone just have issues finding enough words that rhymed with 'in'?" Beast Boy asked, throwing up his hands.

"Leave us alone you stupid wolf!" and again Beast Boy blew the house down, the two little heroes running towards Robin's super awesome fortress of solitude. They banged on the door and before the Beast Boy could get them, he was fried by Robin's heat seeking lasers. And everyone lived happily ever after….

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Beast Boy: What in the hell was this?

Invader Hog: I'm telling the stories, so I get to decide. Besides, that's what you get for picking on a bunch of little boys. Loser.

Beast Boy: Ouch… that was harsh.

Invader Hog: Hope so… On the to next tale!

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**- I realized a little bit latter that "the Three Little Pigs" was not really a fairy tale, but actually a nursary ryhme... I felt sad inside...**

**Invader Hog**


	2. Jinxerella

**Titan Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, just as my pet rock, he'll tell you.**

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**Two**

**Jinx-erella**

**Featuring: Jinx, Kid Flash, Raven, Starfire, Blackfire, and Cyborg**

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Once Upon Another Time…

There was a kingdom called… Jump Kingdom! And there was a great prince named Kid Flash. He was handsome, witty and the fastest boy alive! He wooed every girl he saw and hit on anything with a pulse. However, he could never find true love. (enter sad "awe" here.)

Elsewhere in this kingdom, an evil stepmother was tormenting her stepdaughter, Jinx. Jinx was the daughter of a nice man who had died early in a strange fishing accident and since then, Raven, Jinx's stepmother, had treated Jinx like a servant in her own home. She made her cook, clean, and sew day in and day out. Her two stepsisters, Starfire and Blackfire also tormented the poor Jinx. She hoped that one day she would be able to get out of her terrible situation, but it looked like not-so-much.

One day an invitation came to the house, received by Jinx.

"What does the paper covered in black ink say, Jinx?" Starfire asked, looking over Jinx's shoulder.

"It is an invitation to a ball tomorrow night. The Prince is trying to find a bride before he can be crowned king," Jinx said, Blackfire squealing.

"Mother! We must go!" Starfire said, pulling on her mother's dress. Raven nodded and looked at Jinx.

"Get back to work, Jinx, and make sure everything is done before we leave."

"I can't come?" Jinx asked, confused.

"Of course you can, if you have something to wear and are done by then," Raven said, sneering at her and sipping her herbal tea.

Later that day, Jinx made it up to her room, tired from having worked all day and most of the night. She sat on her bed, knowing it would really be impossible for her to make a dress for herself and finish her work before she would be able to go to the ball. She fell asleep and the sun rose the next morning.

All day Jinx worked, sewing up her sisters' dresses and cleaning the house until it was spotless. Jinx watched her sisters go off to the ball, sighing and going out into the garden to have a good cry. Just when she sat down, however, she looked up to see a bright light. Suddenly a tall man was standing there, coughing as the smoke around him began to go away.

"Hey, Jinx! I'm here to help!" Cyborg said, smiling at her.

"Stalker," Jinx said, getting up and beginning to walk away.

"No! Jinx, I'm your Fairy Godfather, Cyborg!" he said, smiling and she looked him over.

"I don't get it, what's your angle?" Jinx asked, crossing her arms.

"No angle. I'm just here to help you. You have worked almost all of your life for your horrible stepmother and I am here to give you the chance to go to that Ball tonight. So, just sit and watch me work," he said, sitting her on the bench. She watched as he suddenly made a large floating ship appear in the yard.

"Transportation," he said, smiling and looking the ship over.

"I am going to the Ball in that thing?"

"Sorry, the car's still having some problems and a pumpkin is just weird. So hurry on up," he said, smiling and showing her the door.

"What about an outfit?" she asked, looking at her rags.

"Oh! Almost forgot. Here," he said, snapping his fingers and making a dress appear in her arms, her hair and makeup perfect.

"Awesome. See you Fairy Godfather!" she said, jumping into the ship and heading off to the Ball.

At the Ball, the ugly stepsisters were trying to woo the Prince Kid Flash and just when he was about to give up on all the girls gathered, he looked up and saw Jinx trying to fix her heel. He hurried over to her and asked her to dance and they fell in love. (insert "awe" here.)

However, Cyborg forgot to mention that the dress and ship would only be around until midnight, and at the stroke of midnight, just before the kiss, Jinx saw her spaceship begin to disappear and took off running. As Kid Flash chased after her, trying to stop her, she knocked him over with her awesome bad luck but lost a shoe in the process. She managed to get home and change before her sisters came back. She had enjoyed the night but knew she could never be with her Prince Kid Flash (insert sad "awe" here.)

The next day, Prince Kid Flash was determined to find his lady, so he sent messengers everywhere to find the girl who's foot would fit the shoe and finally they came to Jinx's house.

Her sisters failed and Jinx "accidentally" fell into the shoe and it fit. The kingdom celebrated and Kid Flash and Jinx were married. And they lived Happily Ever After…

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Jinx: For the love of go-

Kid Flash: I liked it!

Jinx: Only because you're an idiot.

Kid Flash: You know you love me, Jinx.

Invader Hog: Uh, Jinx? Could you not hurt me?

Jinx: Fine, but I've got to hurt something, Oh Kid Flash…

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-**And you thought I couldn't get any werider... Heh... keep reading, you'll soon want to kill me, I promise! ^.^**

**Invader Hog**


	3. Sleeping Bumblebee

**Titan Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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**Three**

**Sleeping Bumblebee**

**Featuring: Bumblebee, Cyborg, Raven, Terra, Jinx, and Madam Rogue**

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Once Again Upon A Time…

There was a happy kingdom who really wanted a princess who would good and kind and could lead them. Finally the Queen was about to give birth to a daughter and they named her Bumblebee, though no one really knows why. She was a beautiful baby girl and she was to be married one day to a wonderful prince. However, darkness came over the land when the princess was born because the King and Queen did not like Madam Rogue, an evil witch who decided that she was going to put a curse on the baby.

The entire assembly were gathered and the gifts were given. Three fairies also came to give the baby their own gifts. Raven, Terra and Jinx gathered around the baby's crib to give their gifts.

"I will give her the ability to kick serious butt," Raven said, smiling and casting her spell on the baby.

"What good would that do for the princess?" Terra asked, glaring at her.

"Shut it, blonde, I can decide what gift I want to give. Do yours!" Raven said, glaring at the other one. Jinx sighed and crossed her arms.

"I give her the gift of dance!" Terra said, the magic settling on the baby.

"Dance? That was your brilliant plan? For the love of-" Raven said, getting inturupted by Jinx.

"Stop it! I give her the gift of-"

Suddenly a bright light and a loud thud drew everyone's attention to a woman standing in the middle of the room.

"It's Madam Rogue!" Jinx said, the three fairies protecting the baby.

"Vell, Vell, Vell, vhat do ve have here? Looks like I vas not invited to dis little meet. Suprising, since it is the birth ov da princess and all," Madam Rogue said, walking around the room. The King and Queen watched as the fairies protected the baby, glaring at Madam Rogue.

"Get out of here, you are not welcome!" Terra said, Raven looking at Jinx.

"Oh? Vell then… I guess I have no choice but just give my gift now," she said, smirking and suddenly casting a spell on the defensless baby before the fairies could protect her. Darkness fell over the gathering, the men and women gathered screaming for their lives as the baby cried out.

"On her sixteenth birthday she vill prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die!" Madam Rogue said, laughing and disappearing a cloud of evil cloudness… uh…

"That witch! Can you reverse the spell?" the King asked, looking at the fairies.

"We cannot… once cast, a gift can never be removed, but we can counter it," Raven said, looking at the sleeping baby. They all looked to Jinx.

"Better give her my gift then," she said, picking up the baby.

"What were you going to give her originally?"

"The gift of eternal beauty, but guess that's not going to happen now. Oh well, Princess, I give you the gift of life, for if you prick your finger on a spinning wheel, you will not die, but only sleep until your true love comes to kiss you and wake you up," Jinx said, tapping the baby's nose as the spell fell on her.

"A kiss? Isn't that a little cliché?" Terra whispered.

"Shut it, you already gave her a dumb gift, leave her alone," Raven said, getting a glare in return.

"King, Queen, we cannot reverse the magic so I caution that we take the child away from this place, where she can be protected from all spinning wheels and you should burn every wheel in the entire kingdom," Raven said, looking up at the King and Queen.

"Take our baby away?"

"To protect her, your majesties. She will be safer away from Madam Rogue with us," Terra said, looking at the baby in Jinx's arms.

"We promise and vow to protect her with our very lives," Jinx said, the baby gripping her dress.

"Very well, take the child and go. Return here on her sixteenth birthday so she can be reunited and become a princess again."

And so the three fairies took the baby Bumblebee and raised her as their own, the kingdom ridding themselves of all spinning wheels. Sixteen years passed quickly and the girl grew up. She was taken back to the palace as a proper lady but once there, she was taken over by the magic of her gift and taken to a room where there was a single spinning wheel left. There she pricked her finger, the fairies discovering her with Madam Rogue.

Unable to help the princess, they placed her on a bed and put the entire kingdom to sleep except the Prince Cyborg, who was betrothed to marry her. They went to him and told him that he must kiss the Princess Bumblebee to awaken her.

After a long fight and many trials, he killed Madam Rogue with his awesome weapons and cool catchphrases, finally reaching the tower where his princess was asleep. He kissed her and the spell was broken.

They went and were married, living Happily Ever After.

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Cyborg: That ending seemed a little rushed.

Bumblebee: Yeah, why didn't I have any lines?

Invader Hog: Oh look, my pie is ready, ttyl!

Bumblebee: Where is she going? She owes me lines!

Cyborg: me too!

Jinx: Heh, I think she only wrote the story for the fairies, they were the coolest part.

Raven: Probably…

Terra: I do rule, don't I?

Raven: Shut it, blonde.

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- **Hah... I am going to get my pie now... enjoy flaming me for my dumbness... and if you thought that I was doing everything according to the movie, you were freakin' right! The original is a little emo. well... they are all emo... gawd I can't beleive we let our children hear these stories...**

**Invader Hog**


	4. Starfire White and the Seven Titans

**Titan Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: Lol… disclaimers…**

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**Four**

**Starfire White and the Seven Titans**

**Featuring: Starfire, Robin, Blackfire, Jinx, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Speedy, Kid Flash, Aqualad, Jericho, and Thunder**

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Once Upon Another Freaking Time…

There was a beautiful queen named Blackfire. She was the ruler of this great kingdom, but was very vain and would stare at herself for hours at a time. She had a magical mirror on her wall that would tell her she was beautiful, until one day she came to it and it did not answer her like she would have liked to have.

"Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, who is the most beautiful of all?" she asked, throwing her long black hair over her shoulder, smirking at it.

"The daughter of your father with the hair as red as an apple and the skin as tan as a camel," the mirror answered.

"Wait, what?" Blackfire asked, glaring at the mirror.

"Your younger sister, Starfire White, is the fairest in this land," the mirror replied, making Blackfire angry.

"Guard! Call Jinx to me now!"

Meanwhile, Starfire White was playing with a bunch of birds when Prince Robin came by, falling in love with her, but before they could kiss and be happy, she was suddenly called away to see her sister. They parted sadly.

"Starfire White, Jinx here is going to take you to pick flowers for our guest hall. Please follow her," Blackfire said, looking at Jinx standing in the corner. She nodded and followed the princess out of the hall.

"_Jinx, I want you to kill my sister."_

"_The princess?" she asked, looking at the Queen._

"_Yes, I want you to kill her and prove to me that you have, you will bring me her heart in this box just the exact size and shape of a pig's heart, but don't you dare bring me the heart of a pig… I mean it!"_

"_Of course… your highness…"_

Jinx followed the princess Starfire White to the edge of the woods and pulled out a danger from behind her cape, getting ready to kill the princess when at the last moment she stopped, grabbing the princess by the arm.

"Princess! You're sister has sent me to kill you, but I cannot! Please, run away and never come back, and I will tell everyone you have died," she begged, the Princess Starfire White hurrying off towards a randomly convintiant house in the middle of the forest.

Jinx then brought the heart back to the Queen and hurried off to another kingdom before she could discover the lie. The Queen realized that it was a heart of a pig and cast an evil spell on herself and on a single red apple to kill the Princess Starefire White with.

In the forest where the dwarves lived, Starefire White came upon their house and asked to stay there, the seven promising that she could.

Of the seven there was the "Doc": Cyborg, "Bashful": Thunder, "Grumpy": Speedy, "Sleepy": Jericho, "Sneezy": Aqualad, "Happy": Kid Flash, and "Dopey": Beast Boy. The seven went and mined all day while Starefire White would make them everything covered in mustard and they lived happily for a while. However, the Queen soon discovered her whereabouts and went to go kill her.

By pretending to be an old woman, she had Starefire White take a bite of her "magic" apple that did not kill her, but only put her to sleep, since she put mustard all over it too, nullifying the effects of death. Thinking she had killed her, the Queen tried to escape but accidentally fell off a cliff on the way home. The Dwarves came back and put the sleeping princess in a glass casket and sadly gave her a funeral.

The Prince Robin happened to be passing and saw her, coming over and kissing her sadly and was about to leave when she magically woke up and they rode off together, saying goodbye to the dwarves and riding into the sunset. And they all Lived Happily Ever After.

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Starfire: Indeed.

Robin: Why are the stories getting worse and worse. Invader Hog left out so many details.

Cyborg: Again with the no lines!

Beast Boy: Why am I Dopey?!

Jericho: …

Kid Flash: I liked it, short simple and Jinx was awesome, the way she didn't kill her.

Jinx: I would have in real life…

Invader Hog: Oh my, look at the time, gotta run!

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**- And so I ruin yet another childhood story... I love it! I actually got halfway through and spent most of the time trying to match the dwarves... then I gave up with the rest of it... oh wells...**

**Invader Hog**


	5. Beauty and the Wildebeest

**Titans Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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**Five**

**Beauty and the Wildebeest**

**Featuring: Argent, Herald, Jinx, and Wildebeest**

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Once Upon Another Time… Again!

There was a young lord of grand castle who had everything in the world except love in his heart. He would treat everyone terribly and one dark and stormy night, an old woman came to his door and begged him for a place to stay. She offered a single red rose in exchange for this gift of shelter. But the lord did nothing but close the door on her and she knocked on the door once again, revealing her true self, a beautiful witch who realized that he was a heartless man. She cast a spell on him and the rose as his gift would count down the time he would have to become human again. Turning him into a hideous beast, the witches told him that if he could have someone love him of their own free will, the spell would break and he would become human again.

Unfortunatly, the lord thought nothing of it and locked himself away, thinking himself to hideous and much time passed.

In a small village a few miles from the castle lived a young Argent and her father, Herald. One day the Herald was going on a journey far away and left his daughter alone. While on his journey, however, the Herald was attacked by savage wolves and forced to take shelter in the large dark castle. There, he was taken and imprisoned by the Wildebeest. His daughter, Argent came and found him, begging for her father's freedom.

Agreeing if only Argent would stay and be his prisoner in his stead, the Herald was freed and Argent was forced to stay.

However, slowly the young Argent realized that the Wildebeest was nothing like she had thought. And soon she found herself falling in love with him, but had to leave after hearing of her father almost dying. Letting her go, the time on the rose was soon at its end and the Wildebeest had little time left. Just before he was about to stay a beast forever, Argent came back, stopping him from losing all hope. Suddenly, however, he was stabbed by the scared Herald and Wildebeest almost died just when Argent told him she loved him and Jinx's spell was broken, returning the young lord back to his human form. And the two were married and Lived Happily Ever After.

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Jinx: That was the shortest yet… no speaking, nothing…

Argent: What? I am actually in it?!

Wildebeest: Why was I the heartless guy?

Herald: WTF? Why am I the dad?

Invader Hog: Good god! I need to get this done with so they will stop yelling at me… for fictional characters you all complain a lot!

Jinx: You asked for it when you started this madness…

Invader Hog: Madness? This IS SPARTA!

Jinx: And that is my cue to get the hell out of here…

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- **Heh... I did that last bit and saw that I said "madness" and couldn't help myself. I am sure the creators of 300 are crying somewhere right now... lol.**

**Invader Hog**


	6. Little Red Riding Raven

**Titan Fairy Tales**

**Summary: Invader Hog presents six beloved fairy tales featuring the Teen Titans.**

**Disclaimer: Your mom owns the Teen Titans!**

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**Six (Final!)**

**Little Red Riding Raven**

**Featuring: Raven, Robin, Beast Boy, and Bumblebee**

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For the Last Once Upon A Time…

There was a young girl named Little Red Riding Raven who would skip along the path towards her grandmother, Bumblebee's house. One day, however, she was skipping along towards Bumblebee's house when she suddenly came to a dark part of the woods were a green beast was hiding in the bushes.

"Who is there?" she whispered, looking at the bushes.

"No one, little Raven, only a humble Beast Boy," he said, walking out in the form of a harmless bird.

"Why do you follow me?" Raven asked, beginning to back away from the bird.

"Only to ask you where you go so far into the darkest woods all alone, my dear," Beast Boy said, turning into a small bear, licking his jaws.

"I am visiting my dear grandmother, Bumblebee," she said, backing away and almost to edge of the clearing.

"Be careful, little Red Riding Raven, there are wolves out today," he said, as she hurried towards her grandmother's house. Beast Boy, however, knew of a faster way to get to the house and soon was there. Turning into a large wolf, he entered, swallowing the grandmother Bumblebee quickly before she had the chance to run away. Dressing in the grandmother's clothes, he sat in the bed as Raven hurried to her door.

"Grandmother Bumblebee! It is Red Riding Raven!" she called, entering the house.

"Little Red Riding Raven, you have finally come!" Beast Boy said, the little girl looking him over.

"My grandmother, what awfully big ears you have," she said, staring at her "grandmother" in the bed.

"All the better to hear you with."

"My, what awfully big eyes you have…"

"All the better to see you with, my dear."

"And what really green skin you have…"

"All the better to… uh… you know I really don't have anything really to respond with that…"

"Then, my what an awfully big mouth you have grandmother."

"All the better to eat you with!"

Suddenly Beast Boy swallowed Little Red Riding Raven just before she could escape. He sat there with his belly full. Outside, however, was a woodsman named Robin who happened upon the house in the middle of the forest. He did some reconnaissance on the house and found the Beast Boy sitting on the bed, his belly full and picking his teeth. Robin executed a brilliant strategy of attack and got the Beast Boy to open his mouth long enough so Bumblebee and Raven could get out. With no meal, Beast Boy starved to death and everyone Live Happily Ever After.

* * *

Beast Boy: W-w-what?!

Invader Hog: Ouch… it's tough being a wolf.

Beast Boy: You made me a wolf again!? Why am I always the bad guy?

Robin: I feel proud of myself for getting them out when they swallowed WHOLE!

Raven: It's a kids' story, of course the heroes don't die.

Bumblebee: Why was I the grandmother? Why not someone else?

Invader Hog: That's it for my fairy tales! Thanks!

Beast Boy: B-But…

* * *

**- And thus, the madness has ended. Thanks for reading, I'm sure by now your head is hurting with all the randomness. Lol. Anywho. Thanks again!**

**Invader Hog**


End file.
